Posts Tagged ‘polar bears’

Global Warming Just Made the List

July 9th, 2008

Watch the video at the bottom from the BBC.  It’s good.

Oops.  Did I just pwn my sticky goo of justice all over global warming?  Better put it to good use hippies, I hear my sticky goo of justice is full of protein.  Maybe it’ll put some hair on the chest too.

Honestly, what have we done about global warming so far?  Other than just alot of rable rable?

Oh, we spent a ton of money turning corn into an ineffecient fuel that no one uses.  Now people outside of Somalia are starving.  Even I’m loosing weight.

We’ve ensured the growing populations of polar bears will continue to grow till they overthrow us(All hail our new polar bear overlords!)  Didn’t Colbert teach you hippies anything?  Oh thats right, you watch Stewart.

We made some more solar, electic, and hybrid cars, none of which anyone can afford, and none of which a large number of people buy.  I’m guessing that’s cause gas is so expensive.  Hey-Oh!

Here’s what we should do.  Just declare war on global warming.  With the war on drugs and terror, we’ll have a trifecta of wars.  Like a trilogy.  Everything is better in trilogies.  The three wars of fuck!  We could get t-shirts and coffee mugs, all we need for enough people to buy the stuff and then I can retire to the lovely new beachfronts of Greenland.  Maybe take a trip on a sub to visit Miami.  Hooray!

Haha.  Sticky goo of justice.  Sometimes I kill myself.  And kittens.

Smarty Pants

June 25th, 2008

I hate talking politics.  Well honestly, no I do like talking politics, its just that no one else does.  People like their views and aren’t going to change them due to having to admit they were wrong in the first place.  Especially when alchohol is added to the mix, people become really…  I’d link to a clip of South Park’s “Rable Rable” but that just seems to cliche.

Anyways none of this has a point.  You know that.  I know you know, I know you know, I know you know…..right.  The actual reason for starting to write was the fact that I’ve noticed over the last year or so, my political views shifting towards the right.  Not the scary right, I’m just moving a little farther away from the scary left.  And the hippies.

I’d like to just point out that hippy hating has been medically proven to remove heart conditions.  It is seriously such a great way to get healthy.  Just go out to a park, find some hippies doing their hippy thing and yell at em for a while.  You’ll be amazed at how great it makes you feel.  I’m super cereal.

It isn’t that I now agree with Republicans or no longer agree with Democrats.  I don’t.  It’s that choosing a side is pointless.  I’m not saying because “they screw me over equally.”  I say it because I don’t care.  None of it has any relevance to my life.  This isn’t Glenn Beck talking, I don’t listen to Beck because he’s right.  It’s cause he’s fucking hilarious.

There’s no need to debate global warming.  Know why?  Cause in 50 and 100 years the planet will be hotter colder.  You’re children will be just fine.  Their children will be just fine.  They’ll all be fine, you will have provided them with a world they can live in.  Polar bear be dammed, I promise you they’ll be fine.  The idea of providing them a perfect world to live in is illogical at best anyways.  Of course there will be problems in their world, maybe the same ones we have, maybe new ones.  I have no fucking clue, and anyone that pretends to have a clue is a jackass.  What’s important is that you raised your children smart enough to know which problems to worry about, and how to solve those problems.  Right?  Right?

Apathy – 1  You – 0

Oh yeah, go hate on some hippies.  Moral of the story is, if you hate on a hippie, goose kills a kitten.  And that is always a good policy.