Posts Tagged ‘gooseneck’

Upgrade to Funkyhouse

November 11th, 2016


Pelotonia – A gooseneck Opus

September 4th, 2010

Pelotonia has come and gone.  After my tailbone injury slowing my training I had to cut the 180 mile ride back to 102.  Even this length would be 40 miles longer than any ride I had completed.  The lack of training for ten weeks showed me how much can be lost during that time as I was no longer able to keep up with my teammates on our training rides.  I was often finding myself blown trying desperately to keep up.  Confidence had been shattered.  Women wept.  Children were forced to work in factories making miniature statues of small children that were forced to work in factories.  There I was at the top of a hill without hope, when Squirrel said the most inspiring thing.  “Body massage.

I kept going.  After all I was doing things I had never been able to do before, and I stuck with the training that I had to do that Squirrel set out for me.  The 20 mile rides quickly turned in to 40 mile rides.  Then two 60 mile rides finished my training.  I was as ready as I could be.

I got to Pelotonia early Friday afternoon and seeing how many people were flowing in I quickly jumped in to the registration line.   After meeting numerous volunteers who were more than happy to misspell my last name I had a fancy looking box and stickers with my name.  Off to find my teammates for a picture.  Not that way.  Or that way.  The other, other way.  After the photographer was able to make me look like a more virile Justin Beiber we grabbed some dinner and relaxed before the concert.  The Counting Crows!  After hearing them play an incredible cover of Mr. Jones I went home to get a good night sleep before the ride.

Team Speranza at Pelotonia 10.

Saturday morning.  My first thought was to feed the pirate.  My second thought was America!  Fuck Yeah!  My third thought was to find a rest room.  After sharing the pirate’s liter box I prepared a healthy pre-ride breakfast.  Bacon and hookers.  I followed breakfast by donning my lycra battle armor and went to pick up Squirrel.  He asked me to keep a look out for his black cat.  In the dark.  At balls-early o’clock.

After parking we quickly found the rest of the team.  Shortly afterward some lady started shining a bright light in our faces.  I would of punched her, but I had this feeling like I was being video tapped…..When they were ready to start us all off they started us off.  Holy crap!  There are four thousand people on a bike in a small space trying to walk their bikes in to each other.  Pretty sure that could be a sport in itself.  Or at least an adventure on the next episode of America’s Top Model.

I was amazed by how many people were out to cheer us on for the entire route.  Incredible!  So many signs of well wishing and inspirational quotes.  There was one missing that I’d suggest they put out next year.  “I ride so I never have to climb Starner again.”  I expect Tom to get on that.  Volunteers everywhere being extremely helpful.  Officers of the law everywhere to keep us safe.  Fortunately none of them recognized me in my lycra battle armor.

Lots of pedaling.  I found success in trying to pedal with my right leg half of the time, and my left leg the other half.  As I was rolling in to Amanda for lunch I had fallen behind the team from the wind but started realizing how well I was getting over the hills there.  Hills that normally did me in.  I was feeling good even as that one guy on a bicycle tried to run in to me at the Amanda finish line.  What did he think this was?  Rollerball?  Amateur.

After a delicious lunch I downed my special blend of cocaine, speed, and crank.  The pros would be proud.  Shortly after lunch I successfully walked Starner hill.  All the nice folks that live on that hill came out to watch us crazy people walk bikes up their road.  Very touching.  Going down the other side was where I could let my special physical abilities shine.

Around the 70 mile mark my legs were starting to get tired.  The rain was making it slick, and I had a real hard time seeing through the drops on my glasses.  I remember climbing to the top of a hill and telling Squirrel my quads were blown.  And then I kept pedaling till the finish line.  The farther I went the better I felt.

We crossed the finish line as a team.  What an incredible feeling!  I choked up a bit.  Honest!  And that’s an incredible amount of emotion coming from me, the guy who thought Ghost was a comedy.  I completed my first century ride!  People tell me I looked tired.  Shocking.  I felt much better than I looked.  Eight months ago my longest ride was 18 miles, and two of those months were spent riding an ice pack on the couch.

Personal health goals aside it was such an honor to ride to help fight cancer for my family, for my friends, and for my teammates.  Not to mention everyone else who has been impacted by cancer.  I was able to raise $1,500 and helped my team raise over $30,000.  Inspiring!  Now we have the chance to do even more next year.  To push farther.  To have more fun.  To raise more money.  To fight harder.  To fuel hope.

I can’t wait.

Take care and funk on.

Why I Ride

February 1st, 2010

I just registered for Pelotonia today.  To ride 180 miles from Columbus, Ohio to Athens, Ohio and back to raise $2000 to fund cancer research at The Ohio State University Comprehensive Cancer Center – James Cancer Hospital and Solove Research Institute.  I just bought a bike earlier this month, and I’ve never done any serious biking before.  So why ride?

I need to get in shape.  With a group of friends who all ride it seemed like a perfect way to make exercise fun and social.  Plus you can never complain about getting outside for some fresh air.  My friends all did Pelotonia last year and came away from the ride inspired at what they had done.  Friends and family have been impacted by cancer, and it is not easy to live with for anyone.  So I’m going to ride.

So why would I jump in to Pelotonia and register to go 180 miles?  Why not 50 or 100?  Cancer doesn’t ease itself in and neither will I.  So I’m going to ride 180 miles and we’re going to raise $2000 and 100% of that will go to cancer research.  Together we’re going to help find a cure and put a stop to cancer once and for all.

Goose Update Your Blog!

September 6th, 2009

So it’s been a while since I’ve updated the ole blog and lots of people have been complaining.  And since there has been at least some traffic still coming to the site I feel they are rather justified for a new post.  I get mixed complaints.  Some people want to know whats been going on in my life.  Others want more funny and angry rants.  I’d love to provide both.

And I would promise some ridiculous promise of how I’m going to give you an update once a week or once a day or whatever.  But we both know it won’t happen and it’ll only make me look like a wanker anyway.  I’m not one of those wankers.  But I can speak French.  In Russian.

Why has it been so hard to put up a simple little post saying “I got a cat!” or “Chicken makes me poo!”?  I have no idea.  I could do that.  But I’ve been playing with the googles, and the facebooks, and the twitters.  And it reminds me of the second greatest line from “He’s Just not that into You.”  Side note:  Who would of thought Drew Barrymore’s character left a memoriable quote?  But any way she says “And now you just have to go around checking all these different portals, just to get rejected by seven different technologies.  It’s exhausting.”

And that’s sort of how I’m feeling at this point.  Behind in keeping up and exhausted.  I am so far behind on my phone calls to people its crazy!  It’s with everything in my life right now, I feel like I’m one step behind at all times and I’m never able to catch up.  Now that generally isn’t a problem for me and my philosophy.  After all, I am the tortoise.

So now that we have all of the “Sorry for not posting, I promise to post more” bullshit we can get into an update about me.  After all that is what you’re here for.  Me.  You know, the important things in your life.  Well I’ve been biking a lot more this summer.  Getting better at it too.  I no longer look like a fat guy willing a bicycle to not move.  I’m really starting to enjoy it and looking to get more serious about.  I’ve started saving for a more road friendly bike.  Hooray!  People say I’m slimming down, but I don’t see it.  I suppose I wouldn’t.  I’d post those picture a day to see how much I’ve changed things, but my boobs are just not flattering.  I won’t lie.  But I’m working on that, and that’s what counts.

I bought my first tv this spring.  Hooray!  It’s interesting, I’m starting to get my own things now instead of just hand me downs and borrowed items, I’m actually getting my very own shinys.  Got a new desktop that’s so very very prettah.  I love it much.  Had some memories issues with it, but hopefully those have been taken care of (Fingers crossed.)  I got a brand new kittah!  His name is Steve the Pirate.  He isn’t shiny, but he’s awesome.  And a pirate.  Win win.

I went to my ten year high school reunion the beginning of the month.  I was really interested to go back and see all these friends I had from high school and blah blah blah.  As I was driving up to the D for it, I started remembering how I hung out with a large majority of people not in my class, and I started worrying.  Fortunately there were quite a few people there I knew, and a good time was had by all.  It was interesting to see how many people were still in the general area.

So I think that’s enough of an update for now.  Hit on the larger items of the last few months plus.  As for what’s coming up?  Football!  I am so pumped about college football this season.  I can not wait.  First big event is tailgating for OSU vs. USC.  Gonna be a sweet time.  Got a couple of new projects I’ve begun working on, as well as an older one I’ve started thinking about again.  Not ready to announce anything yet, still milling things over for them, once I’m more ready for them, I’ll be sure to let people know.  I’ll try to do my best about putting updates here.  No promises, I’m only a soulless asshole after all.  If we’re inbetween posts and you’re itching for a gooseneck update, be sure to pop over to the facebooks or the twitters.  Plenty of completely useless ramblings from me there.

So until next time, take care and funk on.

More Certifications

November 16th, 2008
Network Certification

This past week I became Network+ Certified.  Hooray!  Another raise and this swanky graphic to swing around.  Spanked it.  Well I didn’t spank it I’ll be honest.  I suppose it would be more accurate to say I love tapped the exam.  I am after all a lover, not a fighter(Or judger.)

So thats been what I’ve spent the majority of the last few months doing.  Studying.  And riding my bike alot.  Oh and trying not to die on the Ohio highways by the hands of Ohio drivers.  For those of you not in the know about Ohio drivers, if you ever come to visit and its raining expect to drive 15 under the speed limit.  That’s the only possible safe driving speed in a light drizzle.

So what shall I be doing now?  Well the next certification I need is Security+ which I hear is super ultra fun.  They just updated it too so I might hold off for a bit.  Ubuntu 8.10 came out a few weeks ago, and I’d love to get all up in that and check it out.  Plus I’ve been interested in the Fallout 3.  Do you have any idea how long its been since I’ve played a video game?  No you don’t.  It’s been a while.  Plus I need to ride my bike.  It’s alot like flying a kite, because it ryhmes.  But it doesn’t invole flying.  Or kites.  It’d be awesome if it did.

Body massage.


August 3rd, 2008

This past week I passed the CompTIA 220-601 and 220-602 exams and became A+ certified.  Not the most impressive of certifications that are out there, but it gets me a raise.  Plus it is one of the few positive steps I’ve taken in my life in a long time.  So I’ll take what I can get and call it success.  Now on to Network+.  There’s no rest for the wicked.

Isn’t it Ironic

July 29th, 2008

So I called my old cell phone provider to cancel my service.  Like you do when you get an iPhone.  He keeps trying to retain me.  Like you do when retention is your job.  Other than the iPhone one of the reasons I gave was due to the fact that since I’ve moved to Columbus I’ve had alot of random calls drops, voicemails with no calls, and so forth.  General connectivity oddities(Say that three times fast.)  He went on and on about how they’re always working on improving the coverage and how I hadn’t called before about it.  I said it wasn’t a huge deal, but can get frustrating when calls just randomly drop.  He said he understood, and by this point I had played the game and let him attempt to retain.  So he said he set my account to cancel at the end of the billing cycle, which is in a couple of weeks, and was reading through the disclaimers and things he is required to say when guess what happened.

The call dropped.  Heyo!  It’s like I’m some sort of smarty pants sub-genuis type.  Now to call them back and make sure it canceled.  Oh, no.  He canceled it right then, that’s why it dropped.  Good customer service?

iPhone Makes my Pants Happy

July 23rd, 2008

So I got my iPhone last night. Fucking awesome! I am in love with thing. Blogging from my phone is pretty sweet. Oh yeah!

How Odd

June 9th, 2008

Isn’t it interesting how nothing at all can destroy that scrap of confidence you’ve been trying to build your whole life?  Heh.  Guess I’m having one of my days.  One could find the positive since it has been many years since having one of my days.  My days aren’t about the positive though.

And yet this one is just a little different.  Should that be the positive taken from it?  I’m not sure.  It’s interesting, usually one large thing can happen which makes me need a day.  But today, instead we have many tiny things, unconnected things, converging from different aspects of my life causing today.  I’m smiling.  Not the cynical smile I try desperately to hide.  Not the fake smile you all know so well.  A genuine smile.  This is different than I’m use to.  Is this the positive move I’ve needed to happen for so long now?  I think it is.  So I raise my glass (My last 90 Minute IPA if you’re interested) and ask you to do the same.

Cheers and Hooray!

Hooray Responsibility!

June 6th, 2008

So I’m starting to finally feel more at home. I have a store that sells beer. The people in the store know beer as well. That makes me feel good. I can pick up some Ruination or some 90-Minute, and they nod their heads in agreement to the awesomeness that is beer. Now I just need a bar with some taps of substance and I’ll be a fish in water.