Posts Tagged ‘goose’

2010, Less Future, More Bacon

January 14th, 2010

So here I am, a little tea pot.  Short and stout.  Ready to bring you the future of goose.  As with most sequels you’ll probably bet this one will not be as good as the original.  You’d be wrong.  I promise future goose will be equally funny and entertaining as past goose.  How do I know?  He came back in time through his bacon powered time machine to tell me so.

Will this be another good year for goose?  Probably.  You can never be 100% certain but there is nothing stopping me from making it a good year.  Positive thinking right?  That’s the way to get ahead in this world.  That and a great set of melons.  Mostly the melons.  Melons………….

Where was I?  Oh yeah.  Techno.  So I promised I’d come up with my list of goals for the 2010 campaign.  Here it is in writing, on the internets.  Which means I’ll have to do it or else you’ll be able to taunt me and call my liar, liar, pants on fire.

Buy a road bikeDone.

– Ride my new road bike 180 miles from Columbus Ohio, to Athens, Ohio in Pelotonia.  It’s for cancer.

– Go faster than 26mph on my bike.  How high can I set the bar this year?

– Continue working that shape.  Man boobs begone!

– Reach my maximum Pelotonia weight before the ride.  240 pounds.  Can I hit 220?

– Get another certification.  Security+?  CCNA?  So many choices and I’ve got to do one.

– Read at least one book for “personal growth.” No picture books here my friends.  And not that kind of personal growth.  Dirty.  Filthy.  Minds.

– Reconnect with at least one friend each month.  Even with all our magical tube tools it’s so hard to stay in touch.

– Cook.  Something new.  Something other people would like to get in their bellies.  Bacon may need to be involved.

– Try something new.  I’ll toss in one stipulation for this one.  Can’t be bicycle related.

So there we go, ten goals to meet in 2010.  I’ll do it cause I’m awesome.  Can you come up with some goals and meet them this year?  Let’s try together.  Till then, take care and funk on.

Smarty Pants

June 25th, 2008

I hate talking politics.  Well honestly, no I do like talking politics, its just that no one else does.  People like their views and aren’t going to change them due to having to admit they were wrong in the first place.  Especially when alchohol is added to the mix, people become really…  I’d link to a clip of South Park’s “Rable Rable” but that just seems to cliche.

Anyways none of this has a point.  You know that.  I know you know, I know you know, I know you know…..right.  The actual reason for starting to write was the fact that I’ve noticed over the last year or so, my political views shifting towards the right.  Not the scary right, I’m just moving a little farther away from the scary left.  And the hippies.

I’d like to just point out that hippy hating has been medically proven to remove heart conditions.  It is seriously such a great way to get healthy.  Just go out to a park, find some hippies doing their hippy thing and yell at em for a while.  You’ll be amazed at how great it makes you feel.  I’m super cereal.

It isn’t that I now agree with Republicans or no longer agree with Democrats.  I don’t.  It’s that choosing a side is pointless.  I’m not saying because “they screw me over equally.”  I say it because I don’t care.  None of it has any relevance to my life.  This isn’t Glenn Beck talking, I don’t listen to Beck because he’s right.  It’s cause he’s fucking hilarious.

There’s no need to debate global warming.  Know why?  Cause in 50 and 100 years the planet will be hotter colder.  You’re children will be just fine.  Their children will be just fine.  They’ll all be fine, you will have provided them with a world they can live in.  Polar bear be dammed, I promise you they’ll be fine.  The idea of providing them a perfect world to live in is illogical at best anyways.  Of course there will be problems in their world, maybe the same ones we have, maybe new ones.  I have no fucking clue, and anyone that pretends to have a clue is a jackass.  What’s important is that you raised your children smart enough to know which problems to worry about, and how to solve those problems.  Right?  Right?

Apathy – 1  You – 0

Oh yeah, go hate on some hippies.  Moral of the story is, if you hate on a hippie, goose kills a kitten.  And that is always a good policy.