Gooseneck Dave
A good guy. Trapped in an asshole’s body.

Who is gooseneck
I’m a pretty simple guy. You might say plain, but you would be absolutely correct. I am not hip or with it, and have no desire to be. I enjoy music, movies, good conversation, food, and brothers. That is correct, I am in a fraternity, Phi Mu Alpha Sinfonia of America. I work part time while going to school. I do technical support for an internet service provider. I enjoy the job, and it pays well, so I can’t complain there. I also have a great sense of humor, and I’m not afraid to use it.

The Name
I got the nickname gooseneck way back in highschool. In jazz band we all had nicknames, and because I would play all four saxophones in our concerts I prefered using a gooseneck mic stand instead of the straight neck stands. The nickname has stuck. People have shortended it and I’m usually just called goose now. When I was president of my fraternity, the brothers started calling me papa goose. Now since I’m the old man I’m grandpa goose. Back in the day it was forseen that I would one day be a great saxophonist with a band of my own. So we ended up giving my band a name. Gooseneck Dave and the Rump Humping Horns. Great name huh? We also forsaw the names of my albums…
Gooseneck Dave and the Rump Humping Horns do New York
Gooseneck Dave and the Rump Humping Horns do New Orleans
Gooseneck Dave and the Rump Humping Horns do St. Louis
Gooseneck Dave and the Rump Humping Horns do Chicago
Gooseneck Dave and the Rump Humping Horns do Detroit
Gooseneck Dave and the Rump Humping Horns go Home
Gooseneck Dave and the Rump Humping Horns Eat a Pizza
Gooseneck Dave and the Rump Humping Horns Take a Nap
Gooseneck Dave and the Rump Humping Horns do New York…AgainAs you can see, I think the band would have been quite a large success.

The Myth
There is a myth going around that I am a soulless asshole. It is true. Let me explain where this came from.

I use to be pretty big into playing video games, in particular first person shooters, online. I use to be really good too. Online gaming is an interesting beast. People claim to like to play online because it is more of a challenge to play real people. Sounds fantastic. However that is a large pile of steaming cow dung. People like to play video games online because they like to beat the crap out of other real people so they can feel better about themselves. The people I played with got their panties all in a bunch because I did not give them the opportunity to beat the crap out of others. I did all the crap beating. And I had no problem letting them know that I was kicking their ass. This hurt their feelings, and they cried. Many times to me, asking me to stop being such an asshole, and to stop playing so well, so that they could kick a little ass. I got tired of listening to the crying. So I took a short break. Then a new game became popular. Counter-Strike.

I thought this game was great. You could take an AK-47, point it at someone’s digital head, and watch it expload! Fucking A Cotton! Fucking A! It just so happened, that a great man by the name of Mr. Vish set up a server for CS that we played on. He made me an admin. Our two rules in the server were to not cheat, and to not be a fucking wank. Most people were able to follow the first rule. However, because I killed people so much, I started making their feelings hurt, and they started crying. Crying over CS is being a fucking wank. So these people began to get slapped, kicked, and banned. You break the rules, you get punished. This of course, hurt their feelings even more. And it made these kiddies even more sad, and because I was kicking them they felt that I was a bad bad man. One night one of them said “gooseneck u is r the soulless!!!!!!!!1111111” I found this hilarious, while kicking him. Mr. Vish and Squirrel thought it was funny too. And that is now why I like to refer to myself as a soulless asshole.

The Facts
gooseneck is a male
gooseneck is six feet tall
gooseneck is a sub-genius
gooseneck has no idea how to speel
gooseneck walks slowly
gooseneck does not like you
gooseneck eats tacos
gooseneck invented the word “Febtober”
gooseneck can’t read
gooseneck enjoys eating pizza, but only if you pick the correct toppings
gooseneck has eaten chocolate covered ants and grasshoppers, and enjoyed it
gooseneck finds Tuesday to be highly superior to other days

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