Girlfriend

So it has been quite a while now since I broke up with Katie Holmes. I hear she is doing better these days. Tom is even feeding her now I hear. Anyways, as much as I put up a front that I’ve been ok, I really haven’t. I was actually quite broken up over the whole thing. There was a large empty space in my heart. However the healing process finished a few months ago. I opened up the search for my new girlfriend, and I had many applicants fill out the form here on the site. It has been a long process going through them all. Weighing the positives and negatives of each. But I have finally made my decision and have a new girlfriend. Her name is Jessical Biel. You might not have heard of her. I’m not worried. Most people hadn’t heard of Katie when we started dating. Hopefully this one doesn’t marry Tom and go crazy.

Some people might be asking, why not Jessica Alba. I can see where you’re going. It’s said she likes men with facial hair(I didn’t actually make that up.) and she is into one night stands. Sure she sounds perfect for me, however she is actually dating davefriday.com. Out of respect for his amazingerness I will have to fight Alba off me and ignore her advances.

Ninja monkeys are meeting as we speak, plotting my demise. This is not just an idle statement, no. This is a promise, a threat, and a homonym. Sometimes I have to apply ointment to the elephant in the room while in other instances pants are opshunal. Never forget to have a beer and enjoy the conversation.

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