Archive for January, 2006

HandiHarley

January 31st, 2006

So I was outside getting some fresh air today, about to run some errands, when a new shiny chevi truch pulls into the driveway across the street. A big ole four door truck, black with orange highlights and a bunch of Harley decals. Looked really slick. Had the trailer hitch on the back, obviously to transport their hog around. I stood there admiring how nice it looked for a few minutes.

And then I saw something that made my brain curl up in the corner and suck its thumb. The license plate…..it was a handicap license plate. I’ll just stop there and let it sink in.

UPS

January 31st, 2006

So this weekend while I was enjoying goose and squirrel time I noticed when I got our pizza that there was a UPS note underneath the door mat outside the door. Ohhh! My memory I thought! The note said it was left on the porch(or the deck I wasn’t sure) so I went outside, and walked all around my house, looking very carefully, but did not see a package. I even checked in the microwave on my front porch to no luck. So I called my roommates asked them if they had grabbed it. Nope they said. The note from UPS had no date or anything on it so I figured I’d give them a call.

Called them up, got their automated thing, which told me they had no info on that note, but to call back later or to check the website. Website said the same thing, but had a different number for customer service so I gave it a call. Got the same damned automated thing. After going through the entire menu trying to get a human I realized it had no option for a human. Aha! But I’m a sub-genius. I just kept giving the computer invalid requests until it blew up and gave me a human.

This is where it gets fun. I explain that I had found their note underneath my door mat and I’m expecting a package with some expensive computer equipment in it, and was scared someone might have grabbed it, and was wondering what day this had been left since it had no date on it, that the package was just left on the porch.

“They wouldn’t leave an infonotice if they left the package on the porch” she responded with confidence.

“Well then, where is the package? What day was it left?”

“Whats the number?” She asks.

I give her the number I’ll save you the boring details.

“I have no informatino on that infonotice. What day was it left?” She asks.

“I don’t know, thats why I asked you.”

“There should be a date written in ink at the top.” she states.

“The only thing written in ink is the checkmark next to porch.” I reply.

“Are you sure it is a UPS infonotice? She asks.

“Yes. It is brown and yellow and has your brown and yellow logo on it. What day was it left? If it was earlier in the month we’ll know it was for one of the packages already delivered.”

“I have no information on that infonotice.” she responds.

“You have no documentation stating this notice was left at my house?”

She then proceeds to ask me my address, type of house, the length of my left foot and various other peices of information we all know will get us nowhere.

“I have no information about an infonotice being left at that address.” She says.

A big round of nothing from that. I thanked her for her time and said I would check with the company shipping it to get the tracking number.

Turns out it hadn’t been shipped yet. But my memory was shipped today, scheduled to arrive on friday. My day off. Hooray! Memory abound!

Goose and Squirrel Time

January 30th, 2006

Hooray, lots of goose and squirrel time. Too bad it is over. That makes me sad. Back to the same old depressing grind.

But on a positive, squirrel has a blog now. I suggest that you check it out. It will probably be better than this one. Mostly because Squirrel has thoughts and is able to form them into sentences. He is then able to string those sentences together to form paragraphs.

Paragraphs are neat.

Thumb Up Butt

January 27th, 2006

This is an instant message convo I just enjoyed. The names have been changed to protect the wankers.

[17:38] Wanker: why were you late?
[17:38] *** Auto-response sent to Wanker: Find out what a soulless asshole thinks at www.funkyhouse.net
[17:38] Wanker: …
[17:39] gooseneckd: when was I late?
[17:45] Wanker: Wrong AIM….
[17:45] gooseneck: kk

This, is so funny to me. Probably not to you, but that isn’t important. What is important is me.

Puppy!

January 27th, 2006

I was reading another blog, saw this picture, and couldn’t stop laughing for a good two minutes.

That would normally make it the highlight of my day, however Squirrel and Lindy are coming to visit, and that is much much more happy.

Hooray!

January 26th, 2006

Goose and Squirrel time!

Massive pwnz0rs!

What Does That Mean?

January 26th, 2006

What’s that? You were wrong?

I know.

I know I was right too, you don’t need to tell me.

I already know what the next question you ask would be.

The answer is I am smarter than you.

Sharing your revelations after you have picked yourself up, acting like the knowledge you have gained is something that I too, should learn.

You’re wrong.

Why?

I already knew it. I even already told you that before you fucked up.

Neat huh?

And you thought my buttmonkey disapeared. Nope, still trying to upset you for my amusement.

Tequila

January 23rd, 2006

Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from shyness? Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive? If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila.

Tequila is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Tequila can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you’re ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Tequila almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you never knew you had.

Stop hiding and start living, with Tequila.

Tequila may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Tequila. However, women who wouldn’t mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it. Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

Tequila. Leave Shyness Behind……..

Funkyhouse.net Version 6

January 20th, 2006

So I’m currently working on updating funkyhouse. Give it a new look and what not. This one is a little “Blah.” Its simple. And simple is good, but it needs a somethin little more ya know?

And so I’ve been working on rehashing the layout a little bit, and figured I’d see if I might be able to update the content of the site as well. This is mostly coming from a conversation I had with a friend recently. I had been explaining to him that I was reading up on AJAX the new technology that is all the buzz these days. And he asked me when I’d be putting it up on funkyhouse. It isn’t as much my ability to use AJAX, its is more of a question of how. What need does my site need it?

So it got me thinking, going back thinking about why I started this website up. Originally, I made funkyhouse simply as an outlet to test my ability to make a website. That goal was clearly reached, I can make a website. After that I started changing the goal of the site to become some mega-super website. Some of my f

avorite sites on the web have been websites where I can engage with hundreds of people, I think thats neat.

That goal has never really been acheived, mostly because I’m simply too lazy to try and promote funkyhouse as much as I should. I tried to get other people to help me add content that people would come to enjoy. However that really didn’t work out, it isn’t their home, they had little need or interest to acheive it. Thats ok. In all honesty funkyhouse is still mostly for me. This is my site. My “home” online if you will. But I’m not a shut in. I like to think that the door to m house is always open. Slightly inherent as it is on the web.

So I’ve pretty much concluded that the next version of funkyhouse will focus a little more on being my house online. So the next question is what to include in my house?

My blog is an obvious first choice. I’d have to say it is the most popular part of the site right now, considering the majority of the posts to my blog have gotten at least 100 views each. I think it is fantastic that people check my blog out. So I’ll say we keep the blog.

Since day one, the first real feature of funkyhouse has been the MP3 of the Week. In the real world, there is always music playing in my house, except for when I’m sleeping, and this should be reprsented in my funkyhouse too. The MP3 of the Week is a great way of representing the music I listen to in my house, and can also include what other people put on when they come to my house. That can be represented by what people suggest for the MP3 of the Week. So we’ll keep the MP3 of the week as well.

And then I say what else will stay? And I start noticing there isn’t really a whole lot here. Sure theres a list of beers I’ve drank, and a funny application to be my girlfriend(Which I’ll finish, I promise!). But all in all, my house is a little empty.

And that is ok with me, I’m a pretty simple guy, I don’t really need that much myself. But it is nice to have some things here when people come to visit in the real world. A couch, tv, speakers, dvd player, beer pong table, beer, etc. And so I think that should be represented in my funkyhouse as well.

So as guests in my funkyhouse what would you like to see? Throw some wild wild stuff at me, anything you can think up. Let me have it! Post it here, send me an IM, send me an email whatever you want to do. Let me know what you think!

And since it is 4:30am, and I’m dead sick still I think I had better try and get to bed. So peace the fuck out.

God Knows Why I Love the South

January 18th, 2006

Here is a great website with some great pics. Definately check them out.