I kept going.  After all I was doing things I had never been able to do before, and I stuck with the training that I had to do that Squirrel set out for me.  The 20 mile rides quickly turned in to 40 mile rides.  Then two 60 mile rides finished my training.  I was as ready as I could be.

I got to Pelotonia early Friday afternoon and seeing how many people were flowing in I quickly jumped in to the registration line.   After meeting numerous volunteers who were more than happy to misspell my last name I had a fancy looking box and stickers with my name.  Off to find my teammates for a picture.  Not that way.  Or that way.  The other, other way.  After the photographer was able to make me look like a more virile Justin Beiber we grabbed some dinner and relaxed before the concert.  The Counting Crows!  After hearing them play an incredible cover of Mr. Jones I went home to get a good night sleep before the ride.

Team Speranza at Pelotonia 10.

Saturday morning.  My first thought was to feed the pirate.  My second thought was America!  Fuck Yeah!  My third thought was to find a rest room.  After sharing the pirate’s liter box I prepared a healthy pre-ride breakfast.  Bacon and hookers.  I followed breakfast by donning my lycra battle armor and went to pick up Squirrel.  He asked me to keep a look out for his black cat.  In the dark.  At balls-early o’clock.

After parking we quickly found the rest of the team.  Shortly afterward some lady started shining a bright light in our faces.  I would of punched her, but I had this feeling like I was being video tapped…..When they were ready to start us all off they started us off.  Holy crap!  There are four thousand people on a bike in a small space trying to walk their bikes in to each other.  Pretty sure that could be a sport in itself.  Or at least an adventure on the next episode of America’s Top Model.

I was amazed by how many people were out to cheer us on for the entire route.  Incredible!  So many signs of well wishing and inspirational quotes.  There was one missing that I’d suggest they put out next year.  “I ride so I never have to climb Starner again.”  I expect Tom to get on that.  Volunteers everywhere being extremely helpful.  Officers of the law everywhere to keep us safe.  Fortunately none of them recognized me in my lycra battle armor.

Lots of pedaling.  I found success in trying to pedal with my right leg half of the time, and my left leg the other half.  As I was rolling in to Amanda for lunch I had fallen behind the team from the wind but started realizing how well I was getting over the hills there.  Hills that normally did me in.  I was feeling good even as that one guy on a bicycle tried to run in to me at the Amanda finish line.  What did he think this was?  Rollerball?  Amateur.

After a delicious lunch I downed my special blend of cocaine, speed, and crank.  The pros would be proud.  Shortly after lunch I successfully walked Starner hill.  All the nice folks that live on that hill came out to watch us crazy people walk bikes up their road.  Very touching.  Going down the other side was where I could let my special physical abilities shine.

Around the 70 mile mark my legs were starting to get tired.  The rain was making it slick, and I had a real hard time seeing through the drops on my glasses.  I remember climbing to the top of a hill and telling Squirrel my quads were blown.  And then I kept pedaling till the finish line.  The farther I went the better I felt.

We crossed the finish line as a team.  What an incredible feeling!  I choked up a bit.  Honest!  And that’s an incredible amount of emotion coming from me, the guy who thought Ghost was a comedy.  I completed my first century ride!  People tell me I looked tired.  Shocking.  I felt much better than I looked.  Eight months ago my longest ride was 18 miles, and two of those months were spent riding an ice pack on the couch.

Personal health goals aside it was such an honor to ride to help fight cancer for my family, for my friends, and for my teammates.  Not to mention everyone else who has been impacted by cancer.  I was able to raise $1,500 and helped my team raise over $30,000.  Inspiring!  Now we have the chance to do even more next year.  To push farther.  To have more fun.  To raise more money.  To fight harder.  To fuel hope.

I can’t wait.

Take care and funk on.

Jesus, what a great start to an emo, passive aggressive post.  That isn’t my point or intention.  Normally it’d be gone after a day or two, I’d drink a beer and feel better.  Not so much here this time.  This anger has been hanging around, checking each night.  With a Russian accent.  So I’ve had to just be patient with it and wait for it to pass.  Still not gone, but I’m feeling better about it.  Starting to find a little positive and I’m a little more balanced.  Whoop di do!

One positive being winter is almost over here.  We keep getting closer.  I can not wait to get outside on Eostre.  Really looking forward to it.  Training has been progressing slowly, which is the nature of the beast, but progressing.  I’m actually feeling like I belong up on a bike instead of a fat guy about to bring you a funny YouTube video of the fat kid crashing.  It would be funny.  I’d wear a clown suit and add comedy sound bites.  Perhaps a cream pie to the face.   Mmmmm…….pie.

I’m closing in on the end here.  Home stretch is in sight.  Just gotta push through.  It’ll probably be difficult but I’m sure I can do it.  Then it’ll be time to sit back, enjoy a beer:30 and cheer the fact that I pushed through the anger and came out better on the other side.  See where positive thinking can get you?  I don’t.  Ha!  Yeah……till next time kids.  Take care and funk on.

I know using a theme from someone else is still a cop out, but I honestly barely have the time to think about witty posts let alone re-creating the site’s look.  This theme is about as close as someone else would probably get to what I’d like to see any ways.  I would still like to do it myself just to be able to say “I did it!” It might be something I tackle some day, you never know.  There’s other things I’d rather do first.  I hope the site is pleasant enough for you to look at.  Feel free to let me know what you think.  Till next time take care and funk on.

I need to get in shape.  With a group of friends who all ride it seemed like a perfect way to make exercise fun and social.  Plus you can never complain about getting outside for some fresh air.  My friends all did Pelotonia last year and came away from the ride inspired at what they had done.  Friends and family have been impacted by cancer, and it is not easy to live with for anyone.  So I’m going to ride.

So why would I jump in to Pelotonia and register to go 180 miles?  Why not 50 or 100?  Cancer doesn’t ease itself in and neither will I.  So I’m going to ride 180 miles and we’re going to raise $2000 and 100% of that will go to cancer research.  Together we’re going to help find a cure and put a stop to cancer once and for all.

- Buy a road bike.

Got a super duper deal and one hell of a bike.  A 2009 Scott CR1 Pro.  Hells yeah!  I shall name her Eostre, and she shall be a mighty speedster of speeding.  Some pics of the unbox and the put together.

Swanky Cervelo box

Hooray for Ultegra!

Bike so light it floats!

Super comfy seat pampers the goose.

Eostre in front, Squirrel's speed monster in back.

Like I said I got it a little over a week ago now.  Been spinning with it.  Absolutely love it.  I may be stationary while spinning, but I can tell I’m moving at ludicrous speeds.  I can’t wait for some good weather to get it out on the road.  Attach a few pew pew lasers and I’ll be invincible!  So that’s one goal down, nine to go.  And a third posting this month.  Might as well call me a journalist with all this entertainment I’m bringing you.  Heyo!  Till next time kiddos, take care and funk on!

Will this be another good year for goose?  Probably.  You can never be 100% certain but there is nothing stopping me from making it a good year.  Positive thinking right?  That’s the way to get ahead in this world.  That and a great set of melons.  Mostly the melons.  Melons………….

Where was I?  Oh yeah.  Techno.  So I promised I’d come up with my list of goals for the 2010 campaign.  Here it is in writing, on the internets.  Which means I’ll have to do it or else you’ll be able to taunt me and call my liar, liar, pants on fire.

- Buy a road bike.  Done.

- Ride my new road bike 180 miles from Columbus Ohio, to Athens, Ohio in Pelotonia.  It’s for cancer.

- Go faster than 26mph on my bike.  How high can I set the bar this year?

- Continue working that shape.  Man boobs begone!

- Reach my maximum Pelotonia weight before the ride.  240 pounds.  Can I hit 220?

- Get another certification.  Security+?  CCNA?  So many choices and I’ve got to do one.

- Read at least one book for “personal growth.” No picture books here my friends.  And not that kind of personal growth.  Dirty.  Filthy.  Minds.

- Reconnect with at least one friend each month.  Even with all our magical tube tools it’s so hard to stay in touch.

- Cook.  Something new.  Something other people would like to get in their bellies.  Bacon may need to be involved.

- Try something new.  I’ll toss in one stipulation for this one.  Can’t be bicycle related.

So there we go, ten goals to meet in 2010.  I’ll do it cause I’m awesome.  Can you come up with some goals and meet them this year?  Let’s try together.  Till then, take care and funk on.

And repeat them.

Is there an echo in here?  Probably.  You know, I saw a lot of people complaining about what a terrible year 2009 was for them.  I am genuinely sorry to here your year was less than stellar and hope that it wasn’t my gas that ruined the year.  I’m sorry, I was backed up a bit.  Did you lose your job?  Your home?  Your friends?  Family?  Your health?  If you answered yes, that is terrible, and I can only hope you gain them back in 2010.

If you answered no, then turn that frown upside down.  Your year was much better than the boob above.  Right?  Don’t just say you will make things better this year, but set some specific goals for yourself and then do them.  They say that is the way to success.  Making lists.  Not the top ten lists of 2009 that destroyed our souls worse than a polar bear attack.  But an actual useful list with detailed goals that you can work towards and achieve.  As the great and egotistical goose here’s my list from 2009.  Some “firsts” and some points of interest that I am proud of achieving for the year.  Then I’ll come back in a bit and post my goals for 2010.  Good.  Great!  GRAND!  NO YELLING ON THE BUS!

- Bought my first bed.  It is the WIN.

- Bought my first tv.  Shiny.

- Decided I need to not worry about my weight, but instead worry about my health and my shape.

- Got my mountain bike up to 26mph.

- Adopted my first pet.  Steve the Pirate.  Yeargh!

- People told me I look skinnier.

- Paid off my student loans.  Early.

- Got a promotion.

- Decided to buy a road bike and bike 180 miles in two days for Pelotonia.

Nine things.  Good for me.  I could of easily made a list of nine things that sucked about 2009.  But that does me no good.  Mostly cause I can’t honestly blame them on Canada.  Well maybe number four, but that isn’t the point.  The point is that if your glass is half empty get another beer.  We’ll get those goals up here soon.  Until then take care and funk on.

And I would promise some ridiculous promise of how I’m going to give you an update once a week or once a day or whatever.  But we both know it won’t happen and it’ll only make me look like a wanker anyway.  I’m not one of those wankers.  But I can speak French.  In Russian.

Why has it been so hard to put up a simple little post saying “I got a cat!” or “Chicken makes me poo!”?  I have no idea.  I could do that.  But I’ve been playing with the googles, and the facebooks, and the twitters.  And it reminds me of the second greatest line from “He’s Just not that into You.”  Side note:  Who would of thought Drew Barrymore’s character left a memoriable quote?  But any way she says “And now you just have to go around checking all these different portals, just to get rejected by seven different technologies.  It’s exhausting.”

And that’s sort of how I’m feeling at this point.  Behind in keeping up and exhausted.  I am so far behind on my phone calls to people its crazy!  It’s with everything in my life right now, I feel like I’m one step behind at all times and I’m never able to catch up.  Now that generally isn’t a problem for me and my philosophy.  After all, I am the tortoise.

So now that we have all of the “Sorry for not posting, I promise to post more” bullshit we can get into an update about me.  After all that is what you’re here for.  Me.  You know, the important things in your life.  Well I’ve been biking a lot more this summer.  Getting better at it too.  I no longer look like a fat guy willing a bicycle to not move.  I’m really starting to enjoy it and looking to get more serious about.  I’ve started saving for a more road friendly bike.  Hooray!  People say I’m slimming down, but I don’t see it.  I suppose I wouldn’t.  I’d post those picture a day to see how much I’ve changed things, but my boobs are just not flattering.  I won’t lie.  But I’m working on that, and that’s what counts.

I bought my first tv this spring.  Hooray!  It’s interesting, I’m starting to get my own things now instead of just hand me downs and borrowed items, I’m actually getting my very own shinys.  Got a new desktop that’s so very very prettah.  I love it much.  Had some memories issues with it, but hopefully those have been taken care of (Fingers crossed.)  I got a brand new kittah!  His name is Steve the Pirate.  He isn’t shiny, but he’s awesome.  And a pirate.  Win win.

I went to my ten year high school reunion the beginning of the month.  I was really interested to go back and see all these friends I had from high school and blah blah blah.  As I was driving up to the D for it, I started remembering how I hung out with a large majority of people not in my class, and I started worrying.  Fortunately there were quite a few people there I knew, and a good time was had by all.  It was interesting to see how many people were still in the general area.

So I think that’s enough of an update for now.  Hit on the larger items of the last few months plus.  As for what’s coming up?  Football!  I am so pumped about college football this season.  I can not wait.  First big event is tailgating for OSU vs. USC.  Gonna be a sweet time.  Got a couple of new projects I’ve begun working on, as well as an older one I’ve started thinking about again.  Not ready to announce anything yet, still milling things over for them, once I’m more ready for them, I’ll be sure to let people know.  I’ll try to do my best about putting updates here.  No promises, I’m only a soulless asshole after all.  If we’re inbetween posts and you’re itching for a gooseneck update, be sure to pop over to the facebooks or the twitters.  Plenty of completely useless ramblings from me there.

So until next time, take care and funk on.

So what have they done now?  Well with the onset of the netterwebs and the obvoius follow up of monetizing the netterwebs came mtv.com.  Great!  A website dedicated to information about the music tv channel that never plays music.  At least they have music videos there.  Thats cool.  Too bad the site became a giant cluster fuck of ads about the hills or some stupid shit.  Do you see where this is going yet?  Oh I sure didn’t.  They came from behind and yanked on my penis.  Hard.  And not the good hard.  Because MusicTV’s website, mtv.com, was so clustered, they decided to created mtvmusic.com a website dedicated to music videos.  They called their site MusicTVMusic.  StupidFuckingStupid.  But then again werefuckingwankers.com and imagiantdouche.com were taken.  It’s so hard to find good domains these days.  The tag line for the site is “I want my MTV.”  No kidding.  So do I.

In their defense, the site ain’t half bad.  Tons of videos with a nice design.  Not too many ads, but I’m sure they’ll get that fixed here soon.  The one complaint I have is the quality.  It’s terrible.  I mean sure, I get it, they didn’t shoot Thriller in HD.  But why do brand new music videos look like they were stolen off of some twelve year old’s rip he posted on youtube?  I get you haven’t been able to monetize this yet, but you have the cash to provide some high quality music videos and a chance to get a whole new generation to understand what MTV was suppose to be.  And guess what if people heard about this awesome new site from MTV where they have high quality music videos people would come and watch videos there.  You’ve provided no reason to leave youtube when looking for music videos.  I know I hate looking for a music video on youtube, instead of the video you get some kid playing the base line with some midi track on a keyboard.  Isn’t that the intention of putting up this website?  If not pardon me, and don’t forget to enjoy your tard.  Take care and funk on.

P.S.  You can have your MTV.

This past week I became Network+ Certified.  Hooray!  Another raise and this swanky graphic to swing around.  Spanked it.  Well I didn’t spank it I’ll be honest.  I suppose it would be more accurate to say I love tapped the exam.  I am after all a lover, not a fighter(Or judger.)

So thats been what I’ve spent the majority of the last few months doing.  Studying.  And riding my bike alot.  Oh and trying not to die on the Ohio highways by the hands of Ohio drivers.  For those of you not in the know about Ohio drivers, if you ever come to visit and its raining expect to drive 15 under the speed limit.  That’s the only possible safe driving speed in a light drizzle.

So what shall I be doing now?  Well the next certification I need is Security+ which I hear is super ultra fun.  They just updated it too so I might hold off for a bit.  Ubuntu 8.10 came out a few weeks ago, and I’d love to get all up in that and check it out.  Plus I’ve been interested in the Fallout 3.  Do you have any idea how long its been since I’ve played a video game?  No you don’t.  It’s been a while.  Plus I need to ride my bike.  It’s alot like flying a kite, because it ryhmes.  But it doesn’t invole flying.  Or kites.  It’d be awesome if it did.

Body massage.